Stew Miller Musings and Rants
I Complain (Oh, and Doodle), You Read and/or Comment, Everyone is Happy… IT’S SO SIMPLE!

And The Rockets (BAM!) Red (BOOM!) Glare…

     Wow, The Fourth of July is already upon us once again and it seems like just yeasterday I was… well, planning on doing the exact same thing, actually. Except for THIS year, I am working, solidly and gainfully, at a WONDERFUL job and I am not, as was the case the previous year in question, being worthless and irritating to everyone around me. Yes, despite the obvious lack of gainful careers here in Michigan, I have, under the guidance of the Lord, found a LIFE saving job… but I digress…. what was I talking about?

     Oh right, Independance Day. What is going down this outstanding year, I’ll give you two guesses, okay… GO! No, not that, although I do enjoy streaking through the lobby of a retirement home, I ‘d have to say no. Yes, you in the back, FIREWORKS! Fine guess indeed. Though I have seen them possibly billions of times, the ignited bursts of skyward color still makes me shed a little tear because, as you know, had we not earned an Independance Day as a nation, we’d actually be dodging explosions instead. So, that’s a good thing.

     Around here firewirks appear just about everywhere: schools, airports, barges, concert venues, and, at last check, illegally from backyards. Don’t get me wrong, I have smuggled explosives across the border a time or two in my day, and would, given the opportunity this year, potentially do it again. I was, however, not given the time or, honestly, the inclination to go and get a gross of bottle rockets and Black Cats this go round, but I have to tell you, someone near us certainly has. In fact, just last night, Amy and I heard what could only be correctly described as mortar fire eminating from within a mile of us. Hey, I could honestly care a plop less if you out there choose to deafen and/or obliterate yourselves on this, our noisiest of holidays, go for the gusto. But hey, is it really necessary to purchase an RPG with which to extracate your ill-gotten detonation devises? I swear I though we were under attack! Hey, I remember 9/11 pretty stinking vividly and I am not one to shun the idea of a nice duck-and-cover had it not so apparently been fireworks wreaking so much wonton mayhem. And then, as if the cannon blasts weren’t enough (right around the time I heard sirens blaring not far away), I was immediately a severely shaken from my bed as a blast of Biblical preportions rattled my bones! I could only assume that whomever lit that puppy is now in various bits and pieces strewn about the mini-ground zero. I don’t exactly wish that upon them, but come on, if you insist on strafing the terra firma so damn close to a residential location, a small chunk of missing hand isn’t too much to ask in return for a lesson learned. Right? Yeah, I thought so.

     I assumed this year that fireworks had become legalized in our state, I had heard the powers that be (bleagh) discussing it this time last year and I saw a new shop near us hocking what looked like weapons of mass celebration. I didn’t actually go in the store because if they had, indeed, allowed our fare state to begin lawfully blowing up stuff all in the name of pretty colors, I was totally walking out of there with an armload. So, I can only specualte as to what was going on in there. Judging by our militaristic neighbors, quite possibly grenade sales and munitions.

     Finally, and far more pressing an issue, is the fact that the Fourth falls on a Wednesday this year. What kind of Communist crap is that? Much akin to Thanksgiving or Labor Day, July Fourth needs to become a floating holiday effective INSTANTLY! There is no good reason not to make this day, a favorite of drinkers and barbecuers alike, a permanent Monday fixture. This way, we good job-having zombies like myself can get off on Friday, party like it’s 1776 through the weekend, and not go back until Wednesday morning. Sounds great to me. I am writing a petition as we speak. Also, stop blowing up stuff around me, or at least blow Wednesday to Friday, that’d be really cool. Whatever.

Stew

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