Stew Miller Musings and Rants
I Complain (Oh, and Doodle), You Read and/or Comment, Everyone is Happy… IT’S SO SIMPLE!

Wow, That’s A LOT of You, Isn’t It?

     This is going to be a touchy subject (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!) but I feel, as a little-respected journalist, that something needs to be said. NOW. Okay, so get comfortable, grab a bag of corn, settle in, and, if you dare, read on…

     As I have previously stated, men are, for lack of a better term, filthy, hedonistic, slobbering, wolf-men who desire nothing more than beer, boobies and baseball (or some other sport) and knowing this, women do so very little to deter the obvious showing of the assets they possess. No, not the beer. Okay, I see you are scratching your collective heads in bewilderment. Look, it’s so simple: You, as women, perpetually voice how you dislike how the opposite sex (me) oggles and drools over you YET you choose, possibly as a committee, to wear as absolute little as possible. You can not be that hypocritical and still expect men (idiots) to not glance in your general direction and, likely, have all the blood rush to their pants. It’s just not right.

     Now, my wife is an absolute stunning vision so incredibly beautiful as to make other men stare at her (boobies) and I seriously have no issue with that… hell, she knows she’s hot, and that is a-okay. Conversely there are those chicks -and I have seen so many already this summer as to fill an entire magazine- who insist, at our (men’s) amazement, in wearing shorts so illegally small as to be catagorized as dishtowels and shirts so undeniably tight as to allow glimpses into areas strangers were never meant to travel, but have the unmitigated gall to piss and moan when men turn their collective heads as to nearly sever their own spinal cords. Look, I understand that you are cute and have astounding curves and put on clothing sheer enough to be considered doily material, but don’t do it if you don’t want men (us) looking at you like some kind of drug-addled orangutans… BECAUSE WE WILL! Men, inherently, are gibbering, childish pigs who love a good show that takes our attention away, however fleetingly, from our daily goings-on. And as long as you continue to perpetuate this desire by dressing in 8% clothing, don’t expect us (men) to turn our wandering eyes to the pretty trees on the other side of us… IT JUST AINT GONNA HAPPEN.

     My wife looks really good in tight stuff, by the way… just throwing that out there. Anyway, I digress… on the other side of this oft-tossed coin are the folks who, as I covered in my BEACHED WHALE rant, need not be draped in anything less than several thermal blankets and an entire tent. Please, once again for the love of all that is good and Holy, keep the protruding, doughy bits of you ensconced in something a little more covering than ass-shorts and a tube-top or we (men) will vomit directly at your feet and not aplologize for it. I’m sorry, you are disgusting sea mammals and seriously ought not be walking on dry land lest you be harpooned. I’m serious.

     I guess I ought to toss another layer of do’s and do not’s on this already steaming pile of word puke… men (yes, me included) need to abide by the same rules. I can dig it if you’ve put a lot of effort into your looks and are currently sporting a body that is chisled and ripped, wander around in a banana hammock if you so desire, rock on. However, if you are a giant fat-assed sloth like myself, consider pillow pants and a mumu… please, I’d do it for you.

     Finally, and unfortunately, men are also sick, twisted freaks as well. So, you women out there primping yourselves for the next walk through the mall or down the boardwalk somewhere sporting your cheese cloth and dental floss, remember that men who want to do you bodily harm just as soon as look at you are, well, looking at you. Yes, you are pretty and I can see what religion you are, but some crazed psycho can, too, and he has evey intention of following you and ball-gagging you, smacking you with a cricket mallet, and showing his friends on YouTube. Please, be careful. I insist.

     There are the words to the wise, do as you will but expect to be seen, one way or the other. Oh, and for the record again, my wife is an unmitigated Goddess in human form… mm-hmmm, and she’s ALL MINE!

Stew

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One Response to “Wow, That’s A LOT of You, Isn’t It?”

  1. O.K. I understand men can be pigs…however…speaking from your HOT WIFEs prospective.I am a wife myself, and pretty damned hot if I might say so myself. However, I get offended when MY HUSBAND makes no effort when with me, to curb his appetite for the female form. There is nothing worse than being on a romantic vacation, dressing up to look you best, and having your husband pay attention to every woman BUT you! Am I alone here???? I am betting not! And again, I am a hot chick…., blonde,110 pounds, 5’7 and a 36DD…..I feel like it is a never ending battle. Men, appreciate your wives…they might not always wear dental floss, but they are the ones who care for you 24/7. They take care of you, love you, and DO get hurt when you constantly look elsewhere.


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