Stew Miller Musings and Rants
I Complain (Oh, and Doodle), You Read and/or Comment, Everyone is Happy… IT’S SO SIMPLE!

Say What Now?

   I’m not one to normally complain about foreigners, but let’s be a little bit serious here. If your grasp of the English language is reduced to conjunctions and little, “what’s”, and “yes’s”, you either need to brush up on the old vocab or else stop having a job where, at said job, your dumb ass needs to talk to me, ever! I am so not kidding here. I had to talk to some lady at a cable company that shall remain nameless, but it rhymes with BARTER, and she literally spouted her diatribe in, possibly, more than three incomplete languages. All I wanted to know was a little information about my bill, nothing to difficult (I’m pretty sure an infant monkey on heroin could handle that request) and she cackled something incoherent about “me gusto”  and “par les vous” and what not… NO, I SAID MY BILL! MY BILL!!! Good grief, it’s not like I’m asking a lot here, is it? If I (an American according to my underwear) am going to make a call, in AMERICA, to an AMERICAN company, I’d sort of like to talk to someone who can complete a sentence without lapsing into some other tongue! Possibly Swahili.

    Look, I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but, as I said, is it really too much to ask? I figure, you know me, that since every other country wants us, as Americans you know, to speak that particular nation’s language, it stands to reason that we do the same. Wait, what? We need to speak your language in your country? Hold on a second… I don’t get it. Oh, wait, yes I do, The rules are as follows: When in someone else’s country, especially for extended periods of time, such as to live indefinitely, you should really learn to speak like the rest of us. I think I can do that. In fact, I recall back in high school we had a trip to Mexico via our Spanish Class (field trip, muy bueno… I didn’t go) we had to speak relatively fluent Spanish (or, coincidentally enough, Mexican) or else face the very real possibility of getting locked in a Mexican Prison with all of those dastardly drug lords. See what I’m saying? THEY EXPECTED US TO KNOW SPANISH.  So, conversely, shouldn’t we expect the very same from folks shacking up over here? I do believe so.

    I have had several foreign friends in all of my years of existence. I grew up living a few doors down from a very lovely Indian family who spoke beautiful American. I went to high school with several Latinos who had astounding grasps of the English Language, some even better than me at some points.  So as you can see, it’s not like I’m just picking on folks willy-nilly, I have a very valid point to make here: I forget what it is. Oh yeah, if you are in a business where speaking a lot is considered priority one, you need to do it with more American inflection than a Wisconsin Literary student (get it?).  Especially if you are in customer service and I need to, eventually, end up talking to you for more time than it takes for you to transfer me to someone else. Also I think I ordered a flying carpet from this lady… maybe, it was really hard to tell.



One Response to “Say What Now?”

  1. Hey Miller –

    Going to be in NYC for the next week and then I’ll be in your neck of the woods. Speaking “american” the whole time. Yo. It’s for real. I won’t be in town for long but it’d be cool to try and tip back a few. What’s your work schedule like? You should email me. Hope all is well.

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