Stew Miller Musings and Rants
I Complain (Oh, and Doodle), You Read and/or Comment, Everyone is Happy… IT’S SO SIMPLE!

The World Wide Wasteland

I love to peruse the internet, I mean, who doesn’t, right? It’s like the the world’s biggest time waster hands down. Oh sure, there are many many sites for performing constructive tasks and actually allowing one to achieve some sort of real goal, but those sites are for losers and rubes and until you have traversed the outer reaches of the Information Super Highway, well, you are just letting some of the finest and funniest things in life pass you by. Trust me, the web does not just end and collapse at filthy and abhorrent pornography, although I’d bet some of you out there wish it did. No, illegal and highly offensive pictures of sheep and shepherds (if you get my drift) are only the figurative tip of the proverbial iceberg. If you look around long and hard (rim shot) enough, you can and will work your way to some of the most disturbing and socially unacceptable material you will ever lay your eyes on.

I suppose you could just click blindly on link after link, or just type random words into Google and hope for the best… yes, this would likely, eventually, lead you to the dark recesses of the net, but let’s make this a bit more fun and exciting for all of us and acquire a little assistance. First off, I use Firefox as my web browser.  Now, you don’t have to do this, but if you don’t Mafia hit-men will hobble you for life. Firefox is such a nice little browser that so few of us have ever heard of… ha ha, right! Firefox has kicked Microsoft’s Internet Explorer into submission since its inception! Anyway, enough with the shameless plugging, I am not getting compensated for this (yet). Firefox offers a neat add on called Stumble. Basically it’s just a button that is placed in your search tray just above the Google bar. Now, you need to set Stumble to either go to only those sites that you have personal interest and hot love for (yikes) or, you can do what I did, and just set the whole thing to just pointlessly meander throughout web site Heaven. Then, once you are set, you just go! Oh, it helps to have your browser’s security features either set really low or just turned off. My kids are little and have no interest in the net so I’m not to worried about them. About me, however, that’s another tale entirely.

Once you have Stumble cocked, locked, and ready to rock, just click away and watch as the miracle of this program grabs you by your innocent, unwary wrist and leads you down dark and foreboding paths to destinations you never even dreamed possible! You will open sites that with just a cursory glance will make you Stumble again lightening quick. Ever been to Well, you might get there… and you’ll never forget it once you do. Ever seen artwork so mind-warpingly disturbing as to actually make you feel a little frightened of your own, darkened house? You will, mark my words. Ever seen pornography based entirely on the characters from Disney movies? Yeah, it’ll happen. Look, I’m not saying all of this stuff is intended for younger eyes, or any eyes in some cases, all I’m saying is that this internet of ours; the vast, endless miles and miles of uncharted wasteland is right at your fingertips and all it takes is a little time and even less effort to go on a wondrous journey. I have spent hours, after the kids have gone to bed and Amy is watching some kind of televised nonsense, Stumbling all over the place until my eyes are as dry as a Brit’s humor! And, not surprisingly, I have actually located some pretty useful sites as well like design pages and conspiracy articles… all the good stuff.

It has come to my attention that Internet Explorer now offers Stumble as well. Finally, something useful for you IE goobers out there. What’s next, are you going to find out someone invented the wheel? Sorry, I’ve just spent so many past hours farting around with that ridiculous browser and it continues to piss me off to this day. Even the new version, which my computer insisted I upgrade to though I NEVER use it, has it’s fare share of issues plaguing it still! I tested it for a day just after the upgrade and I craved Firefox again so badly, I was starting to have nicotine addiction flashbacks! Anyway, since you can Stumble, you should, it’s fun and you just might learn something. I now know the word nymphomaniac in sixteen languages! Good for me!


4 Responses to “The World Wide Wasteland”

  1. Oh my God Stew… you are a closet technophobe !


  2. Got a little too much time on your hands Miller? Time to lean is time to clean, as they say. And I can only imagine what will happen once your children DO get interested in the interweb. Lordy!

  3. Yes, Stew, I think your new nickname will be “Tommy Shaw” because, much like his only real contribution to the Styx library, you appear to have “Too Much Time on [Your] Hands”.

  4. hey maybe you should be stumbling into me sometimes 🙂

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