Stew Miller Musings and Rants
I Complain (Oh, and Doodle), You Read and/or Comment, Everyone is Happy… IT’S SO SIMPLE!

Gimme an S! Gimme an I! Gimme a C! Gimme a K!

I swear to, well, whomever (God, Shiva, a leprechaun, some toast…) that if I cough up another chunk of something that could otherwise be used for industrial bathroom grout, I’m going to take several hostages. I am absolutely fed up to here with being sick! Since Thanksgiving (basically three whole months ago) I have been sick a total of two times. Shut up! I can hear all of you snickering and shaking your collective heads in irritation, and to that I say shove off to the lot of you! Yes, twice, but the first time alone I was sick for five solid weeks! Okay, okay, you are all now wondering why I didn’t just take my congested and hacking ass to the nearest doctor and get something for it. Why , indeed? Well, because I am an idiot and I assumed that it would just kind of go away on it’s own, much like my crabs. HA! Seriously, this is how I think. Well, needless to say, it did not and I ended up at the doctor. I told her that I had been coughing, at that particular point, for five weeks and I honestly saw her eyebrows raise as if to say, “HOLY CRAP! THIS GUY IS A BONIFIED RETARD!” She would have been correct had she said that… she didn’t, but she wrote it on my slip. For real! Anywho, she wrote me a prescription and everything seemed like it would finally be fine. And so it was; the pills did their thing, and I was on the road to recovery. Little did I know, however, that the road to recovery was paved with new and wonderful germs and viral mucus puddles and I was on a crash course with an oncoming fiend called The Flu! Oh man and when we crashed, we crashed hard. Just last week, Wednesday at 3:56 pm Eastern Time, 4:56 Pacific (check local listings), I was floored by the flu pre-packaged with all the bells and whistles like; chills, temperature somewhere around 350 degrees (check for doneness in 45 minutes with a toothpick), body aches that made places throb where I didn’t even know I had places, and the ever festive green-apple splatters (you know what I mean). Oh, and lest we forget THE DAMNED COUGH AGAIN! Yes folks, here I sit just hours into a new recovery process, treading ever so carefully so as to avoid another serious accident this time probably with Ebola, or Malaria, and still coughing my infernal lungs out. My chest feels like Rocky Balboa just clobbered the daylights out of it for sparring practice, and I’m pretty sure that the little alvioli in my lungs are dying off by the hundreds and I’m never going to be able to breathe without an iron lung ever again. I’m telling you, I don’t normally like to complain… ha ha, but this time I feel I just have no choice. I know darn well it’s the stupid weather here in Michigan where literally you can watch the forecast on the evening news and the meteorologist just stands there picking his nose and shrugging as he points incoherently to a map covered with coffee stains and giant, meaningless letters! AHHHHHH! COUGH COUGH!!!!! Oh for the love… I gotta go, something came up…



One Response to “Gimme an S! Gimme an I! Gimme a C! Gimme a K!”

  1. Hey, I’ve been sick myself since last christmas, so stop yer bitching. I feel for you, I really do. (not really)

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